I won't give up!

Finally I am back to write something in order to express something over here. Busyness is my close friend lately, while enthusiast is my identity recently. The feelings such as tired, exhaust and spent become my pillow every night, but content and satisfaction become my precious property every day.

I just finished a basketball ball training after the last training which was conducted last Thursday. Since KK 11 doesn’t have enough court for the athletes to use for training, many sports are forced to share a couple of courts. We are definitely helpless of this situation, as we do not have enough space for making more courts to satisfy the demand of athletes. Anyway, I believe that we can still carry our physical training without a court as long as we have the desire for improvement.

Our college basketball team has been the championship in SUKMUM for three years successively. I was blessed to enjoy the championship for two years out of three. But I have never admitted that the championship doesn’t belong to me, as I don’t think I was really accountable for that. This year, 8 seniors left after graduation, they left only three players in our college. It set me into a trouble now, as I need to rebuild the team. I found that this is not an easy task for me to build them up, unless they wanted to improve very badly. That is why people said that it is difficult to force a cow to drink if it doesn’t want to drink at all.

I am a person who strives to give the best in everything that I choose to do. I don’t think that I can be the best among the best, but I always push myself to get the best of myself. It is fair enough to compete myself with the man I was yesterday. I believe this kind of motive can drive me forward nonstop. Therefore, I like to get along with the people who possess the same principle like me, as I choose to get emerged into this environment in order to get myself inspired often. On the other hand, I would feel dismayed if the people around me find self-improvement or the pursuit of achievement indifferent to them. People like that are mostly unmotivated and dismaying to other people. They don’t help people to grow as they don’t know the significance of growth.

In my basketball team of my college, I feel sorry that I didn’t manage to spend time with the team. I tried my best to initiate training as much as possible so that they would have to come down to get their muscles stressed and grown. I failed to make more as I have some other commitments that I would have to give. However, I encouraged them to have training on their own instead of waiting for my call. I just hope that they can do something for the team or may be for my desire to have a good fight with them in SUKMUM. But most of them do not have any personal training and I found that was understandable meanwhile upsetting.

The whole world is waiting to beat our college basketball team this year; the whole world is getting ready to defeat us aggressively. I heard that the teams who got insulted for being defeated by our team last year are going to revenge this year. Everyone is looking forward to meet us in the match. I am not afraid at all, but I feel sad that the whole world knows that my team is no longer threatening to them. It is such a humiliation to me that the opponents don’t find my team threatening at all. My roommates joked and asked me not to get into the battle so that I am not accountable for the loss. I replied that I would never escape the battle, it was sad that the victory did not belong to me, it would be worse if the loss doesn’t belong to me this year.

I wanted to prove that people need to defeat us with sweats and pains. I wanted to prove that expectation to defeat us at ease is laughable. I wanted to prove that the new men can defeat you guys next year. But I realized that I have nothing much to prove this year, as we may not be able to survive for any longer in SUKMUM. It is not me who loses hope in my tea, it is the situation that stops myself for being a dreamer who naively dreams for a championship this year. However, this year I think I am really accountable for everything that may happen to my team, as I am the manager of the team who was troubled to get the team well managed, and get the jersey order done at last minute. I am also the Captain of the team who called them to have trainings throughout this season; I am also the player who tries to train himself to be a better player with better performance.

God set me into this situation. He knows my pride is going to turn me down. He knows me very much more than how much I understand my own self. This year, in CC, I am no longer authoritative and influential.  There are many things that I would like to better but there is no ways for me to help. Somehow I know that I won’t let go, but consciously I know that I shouldn’t do anything for that. I believe I need to learn how to accept with an open heart. I need to humble down as a servant and stop trying to satisfy my self-centeredness by doing anything. Anyway, I would pray for my team, I won't give up on them as God never forsakes me.       

       

Fighting!

It has been a really long while since the last post I wrote. I do not feel guilty at all, for not the laziness that caused the long silence but the busyness. haha!

Anyway, my days have been quite bustling meanwhile meaningful. I have been trying not to waste my time by doing nothing but to fully utilize every minutes of my time. Hopefully I am doing it right. I have been in this so-called highly efficient life style for about two months since the very beginning of my 5th semester. Honestly, it is really a spiritually tiring and kind of challenging thing to do. Too many things you wish to do, but yet time seems to be uncooperative by being insufficient. Besides that, my stamina and spirit for each day don't seem to be strong enough to satisfy my will. I have been pushing myself as much as I manage to. Eventually, I realized that this kind of effort is required to be maintained for a long period of time before it can give something great in return for you. Of course, people say learning isn't an achievement, but a whole-life effort for great triumphs. For having this awareness, humility and patience is very crucial for a good learner in every aspect. I shall pray for the patience and guidance!  

No one force me to make such a change. Besides, it is not merely the change of behavior, but also the revolution in my attitude and mindset that has been slowly taken place. Haha! Doesn't it sound incredible? I am not trying to convince anyone how special I have gradually become. I am just trying to express whatever I feel like to express. Please do not think that I am very special now. I wish that I am still the same happy boy that you guys like. Anyway, after all I am still very humorous and friendly in a way that some girls find me disgusting. hahaha!! (I don't care) But one day, if I talk with you guys with serious matters and informative messages, please do not be afraid of shocked. I am humorous but that doesn't mean that I can no longer get serious. These two seemingly opposite manner can actually coexist naturally, in fact they don't really conflict with one another. Lord is a loving God but at the same time a righteous God. There is no wrong at all for being loving and righteous at the same time.  

Some guys may think that I have been brainwashed by so-called Amway for having this kind of change. I wish that no one will think of me that way of course. Instead of thinking that way, I would rather you guys think that this is the way that God wanted to mold me. The awareness of cherishing my study time was aroused by the elders in my church. They get to know Christianity very well and even some can be considered a great teacher of theologies as they attended quite a number of intensive theology lessons. They have taught me many great things and honestly they are good Christian models for me. They made me started pondering of what kind of guy I want to be in the future. Christians are not escapists instead we are supposed to be the most practical person since we need to obey the commandments in the Bible with love and a submissive spirit. They encourage me to get myself well prepared before it is too late.

I have come to believe that the world-views may violate the truths in our heart easily if we do not provide our soul a strong shield. We may fall down in faith embarrassingly and easily if we do not get God's truth firmly rooted in our heart. If we do not equip ourselves with the word of God, we may be trembling in fear when we find nothing to help us against the demons. (Lantern) If we are not able to burn the papers that wrap and cover our appearance, how are we able to shine bright among the people in order to let them see us? If we are always in the state of self-protecting and escaping from unrighteousness, when are we going to fight back boldly with truth. Therefore, I decided to seek for knowledge and wisdom of God instead of waiting for someone to help me up.

Bible says: Those who seek shall find. Those who knocks shall be answered. Hence, I have been trying my best to learn as much as possible about the theologies in The Bible. Of course, I had been struggling during the way I was trying to complete the assignment of The Study of Theologies while I needed to handle other matters such as Basketball Training, Academical matters and so on. I didn't wish to tell anyone that I put the theology to be my top priority for that moment. It may seem to be a very ridiculous thing to do while it was a very reasonable and smart decision to me. Anyway, I just don't want to let other people feeling that I am extreme and a bad university student who doesn't know how to put priority appropriately. Although I am pretty sure of what I was doing but it doesn't mean that other people would understand me. It is a great thing for me to study theology and have the chance to know about the great covenant of God. Anyway, despite other perspectives, it is really enjoyable learning  as far as I concern.  
   
I would like to give thanks to God with the greatest gratitude of mine for the Lord never forsakes me. hahaha! People may find me unhappy lately and conclude that I am not happy all along the way. I am grateful of the concern they have towards me, I am glad to be concerned. However, I would like to make clarification over here. I am happy for having my life with this kind of pace right now. But as what I said, it is really exhausting in terms of spirit and physique. However, I was joyful especially when I was studying the extremely thick theology book. The thickness of the book turned me crazy, but the prosperous teachings in the book made me excited. Truly I am happy with that, it is just no one is able to witness that shining grin! In Amway meeting, I have learned a lot of beneficial health information and how the products are able to deal with the problems. Honestly, health knowledge is really significant nowadays. It is definitely enjoyable for me to learn all that!

As a conclusion, I hope every friends of mine can get a clearer image about myself recently. I am fine, and do not waste your time worrying about me. haha!! Anyway, I will keep moving on until the day I surrender. But I wish the day will never come, for this is my will to run the race energetically. May God bless me!!