Testing of the faith

In real life, we often face challenges especially in the midst of doing something great. I considered my life was quite peaceful without much challenges popping out halfway before I started to believe in Christ. Perhaps, there were no principles for me to follow as I was the Lord of my own. When things happened, I would just react according to my own desire and will. Life was quite easy that time.

Since I have been struggling against a lot of factors that are standing against my faith lately, I started to wonder why it seems to be too difficult to be the follower of Christ. It is inevitable to question myself that “Am I doing the wrong thing right now?” Shouldn’t God encourage people to follow him by making the path to Christ more easy and attractive? Why must there be so many challenges that dismay the believers all along the way of faith?

 I have come to know quite a number of believers in Old Testament of Bible, they were devout and God was pleased with them. But what they had often gone through were the troubles and temptations due to their faith. If I were a father of a child, I would encourage him to do goods by giving him awards and compliments. What kind of father do I believe in now? It doesn’t make sense at all. Giving all kinds of problems and temptations doesn’t seem to be possible to draw people nearer to him!

But yet I have slowly understood the reasons of all the temptations and trials. We have no right at all to gain any goods from God for whatever seemingly good deeds we have ever done, because it is our obligation to do goods ever since we were created in this world. However, the temptations and trials are come to us for exposing the ugliness in our heart, our rebellion to God. Man was created to glorify the Lord and enjoy in him for eternity. But Adam sinned against God that he showed his sinful nature, the desire to be the lord of himself. God always knows the ugly desire we have been possessing in our heart for long, for nothing can be concealed in front of him. But God brings us countless tests in order to show us our deep down sinful nature so that we would repent in him humbly.

The more challenges I faced, the more I realized I am self-centered and doomed. The more challenges I encountered, the more I discovered the greatness of my God for accepting such a self-centered wretch like me. The more tests appeared to stand against me, the more I discovered my vulnerability and helplessness. The more failures I have made when dealing with those trials, the more I discovered how significant God is to me. The more challenges I faced, the more I get to know my own unworthiness of being called to follow him. How great is our God! The words seem to be pale when they come to describe his greatness. Languages and songs turn to be useless to fully express his greatness.

Bible says, ”Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effort, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.’’  (James 1:1-4) “Not only that but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”  (Romans 5:3-5)     

God asks us to rejoice in sufferings and all kinds of trials. What can turn us down when we who are in Christ are able to rejoice in sufferings?! Certainly, we know that God is going to raise us up again after we have gone through the test. “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12) Instead of giving awards for all the goods we may do, he promised giving us the crown of life when we have stood the test.  May God bless us by strengthening us. Have mercy on us for we are weak and helpless.       

Christmas 2013

It is a Christmas day where Jesus was born in this world for the execution of salvation. It ought to be a birthday that everyone needs to remember and celebrate. The child was born for all the nations and mankind. The crucifixion was for all the sinners in the world and the blood was shed for cleansing the dirt in our souls thoroughly. It must be a greatly joyful day ever in the human history for the coming of the savior, for the salvation of the nations that no one else would be able to give us.

For this Christmas, I decided to spend it in my church at PJ for serving as an emcee for the event. Undeniably, I am not good enough as a good emcee for the event. Anyway God somehow chose me to be the one who looked after the flow of the event. It is kind of stressful thing to do for I don’t really think I could bear the consequence for upsetting the whole event. I prepared a script for that but what appeared in mind before the moment I could grab the microphone was fear. I definitely understand that it would not be a big crowd, but mistakes are strongly prohibited. I prayed sincerely for the power and wisdom from God as I really scare that I would err when I speak. Thank God for giving me peace and joy after the prayer and I managed to lead them having a good gathering.

Today, Patrick was the speaker who was assigned to preach before the guests. He seldom talked about Bible this time as I think he understands that it is quite troublesome for the new comers to search the scriptures with the bible. It would be more pleasant for them to just listen all along the way. He talked about the ultimate need of human and the nature of human for seeking the real God. It is very true that the purpose of Christ being born was to fulfill the need of the human which is getting free from the bondage of sin and the desire of human to reach God for real joy.

We are doomed since the outset of the human history that our ancients Adam and Eve who sinned against God. From that time, we have been restricted by the bondage of sin that we are no longer able to do anything good; we are separated by the glory of God that we are not able to get the real peace and joy. The holiness of life isn’t what we manage to have or seek to have. But God is a gracious God who sent his son to us, through the bloody cross he saved us by bringing us from the wrath of his justice into the love of his grace. What kind of sacrifice was that? We did nothing but he has done everything for us. What we do is only to give response accordingly.

Our God is a unique God that is totally different from other gods that people would imagine. He came here and was born in a dirty trough. This way of being born indicated that God is a God of great humility. He did not come to receive but to give. He sacrificed on the cross without blaming anyone for doing all these things. He died in vain and rose again for us. He overcame the death and with him we are saved. However, what he received from us in return was the crucifixion, the humiliation, the torture and the curse. We have no right at all to gain anything good. We haven’t done anything good but good in committing sins and transgressions against him. It is really an amazing grace that the world needs to know and I believe the aftermath for missing the grace of God would be very terrible.

Wish all my friends having a blessed and memorable Christmas. Wish you guys really get something through what I have shared. God bless you always.         

Baptism

Today was a special day. In my church, we had a baptism for a brother and a sister. I have watched quite a number of people getting baptized but this was the second time. The first time was the baptism conducted in my hometown many years ago, many peers were getting baptized. That time, I was wondering when it would be my turn to get baptized. But I didn't think that I would be allowed. I didn't think that it would be a good idea for me to get baptized as I would be in a big trouble if I do so. 

Baptism is always a joyful Christian ceremony as it indicates that an individual is adopted as the children of God in Christ, a soul is saved due to the grace of God. I felt joyful for both of them officially proclaimed themselves to be a baptized Christian. They were having baptism class with me all along the way and we finished the class successfully. However, I failed to join them in the ceremony; I could only be their witness unfortunately.

When singing praises before the ceremony, the sorrow and the sadness in my heart somehow was being intensive gradually. I know I shouldn’t have the feeling of being left behind, but I did feel so. It was really upsetting for being a witness while I was supposed to be baptized. The assembly was worshiping the Lord wholeheartedly, while my eyes were getting blurred by tears and my voice was getting rough due to the crying of my heart. The struggle to stop the tears from weeping was really suffering.

When they were sharing on the stage about the past and how they have come to believe in Christ and get baptized finally, I was thinking of my sharing in the future. My mind was ridiculously wandering away and led to the recalling of my past. The recalling of my past did touch my heart once again for I recalled the reality of God in my life with countless of testimonies and experiences. I believe that God called me to believe and live for him, but somehow payment and sacrifice is inevitable. My path of faith isn’t that smooth as I can’t anyhow just get in the water and get myself baptized like how they did today.

Sometimes I would ask myself, is it necessary to go through all these for being a Christian? Is there no other easy way to reach God after all? “Whoever doesn’t bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple”, Jesus said in the Bible. Apparently, it is not going to be easy at all to bear a cross and follow Jesus. The elder in my Church told me that my cross may be much bigger than others. If it is meant to be such a challenging path I would need to go through for being a disciple, please help me to do so.     

For His Glory

Early in the silent morning, I can clearly hear the sound of the spinning fan on the ceiling. The quietness is appreciable and expected as no one is in the room but me. My roommates have gone home- the sweet nest where they find the most comforting. I just wish them to have nice weekends.

Recalling the things that I have done for the past few weeks, I felt satisfied not for the result that I have gained, but the effort that I have put in everything I was doing. I tried to build up the team to fasten their growth as fast as possible before SUKMUM competition came. We managed to beat the first two colleges with pride and that was sufficiently good to me and out of my expectation actually. Our team does not have a strong and tough physique individually, but we manage to beat the so-called big-man team with a lot of challenges. It is sort of miraculous thing to see such a victory.

For the competition with KK5, I felt upset that we couldn't beat them for the last quarter. I felt very frustrated that the victory was just slipped away from me due to our poor stamina. I never believe that we were able to keep leading in score for the first three quarters. We were defeated by them shamefully in the friendly match but somehow we made them ashamed for the first three quarters’ amazing play. I believe that the loss of the friendly match last time made our team to fear the team of KK5 and for that we barely allowed ourselves to underestimate their team. On the other hand, I would believe that due to the triumph, they allowed themselves to be a lit bit over-confident and eventually underestimate our team. This might be the reason why the match was totally different from the friendly match we had.

Anyway, we lost the game eventually. In the last quarter, our first five didn't possess a clear mind for game analysis due to the poor body condition. We refused to take rest outside the court as we couldn't bear the consequence of letting other players into the game. The opponents brought their second five into the court and deliberately reduced our stamina successfully. It was saddening to see the scores getting closer but incapable to keep the gap. It was helpless to see the opportunity of scoring being wasted as the eyes were blurred and the focus was lost due to the exhausted body. It was really speechless to admit that we are not ready for the victory as we are not good enough. Five players can hardly defeat ten players in a game. We have reached our limit by endeavoring to give a strong fight.

When I was about to leave the gymnasium, an Indian guy was passing by my side and I smiled to him for my instinctive kindness. He thought that I was about to have a match later, and then he asked:” Game later?”. “No, I lost the game.” I replied and smiled. He said:” Oh I see~”. “But I won the pride!” I replied with pride and satisfaction. “Good!” was the word he ended the short conversation. Sometimes, the victory doesn’t bring you any goods, if the victory failed to bring you the glory you are looking for and the satisfaction that you always desire. For his glory, I will come back strong next year. Watch out!!