Baptism

Today was a special day. In my church, we had a baptism for a brother and a sister. I have watched quite a number of people getting baptized but this was the second time. The first time was the baptism conducted in my hometown many years ago, many peers were getting baptized. That time, I was wondering when it would be my turn to get baptized. But I didn't think that I would be allowed. I didn't think that it would be a good idea for me to get baptized as I would be in a big trouble if I do so. 

Baptism is always a joyful Christian ceremony as it indicates that an individual is adopted as the children of God in Christ, a soul is saved due to the grace of God. I felt joyful for both of them officially proclaimed themselves to be a baptized Christian. They were having baptism class with me all along the way and we finished the class successfully. However, I failed to join them in the ceremony; I could only be their witness unfortunately.

When singing praises before the ceremony, the sorrow and the sadness in my heart somehow was being intensive gradually. I know I shouldn’t have the feeling of being left behind, but I did feel so. It was really upsetting for being a witness while I was supposed to be baptized. The assembly was worshiping the Lord wholeheartedly, while my eyes were getting blurred by tears and my voice was getting rough due to the crying of my heart. The struggle to stop the tears from weeping was really suffering.

When they were sharing on the stage about the past and how they have come to believe in Christ and get baptized finally, I was thinking of my sharing in the future. My mind was ridiculously wandering away and led to the recalling of my past. The recalling of my past did touch my heart once again for I recalled the reality of God in my life with countless of testimonies and experiences. I believe that God called me to believe and live for him, but somehow payment and sacrifice is inevitable. My path of faith isn’t that smooth as I can’t anyhow just get in the water and get myself baptized like how they did today.

Sometimes I would ask myself, is it necessary to go through all these for being a Christian? Is there no other easy way to reach God after all? “Whoever doesn’t bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple”, Jesus said in the Bible. Apparently, it is not going to be easy at all to bear a cross and follow Jesus. The elder in my Church told me that my cross may be much bigger than others. If it is meant to be such a challenging path I would need to go through for being a disciple, please help me to do so.