Struggle against pride

How intensive it is the struggle in my heart, where the pride is tempting me to search for my self-idolization, while the Spirit is calling me to be humble and serve The Lord.
This struggle keeps haunting my heart insofar I couldn't fall asleep easily these days. Apparently this isn't good at all.

This struggle started when I started to feel like taking part in the coming basketball competition. I rejected to go for the selection last month, because I felt like I'm going to be very busy and unable to commit, beside I would want to have my own time for some ministry works. I rejected many people invitation for playing in the team, apparently they were trying to recruit me as I'm one of the best players among them. However, I rejected them with all sort of reasons, but that time I I didn't feel regret.

Lately, my roommate was having badminton competition. I went to the court and shown my support. He was playing seriously while many supporters were screaming beside the court. (Of course they came not because of him but mainly the merit points given for their attendance, it is so pathetic) Anyway, I felt like to impress people just like how he did..the juniors didn't know my capability and talents, because I have never shown off. I was kinda driven by the desire to prove myself and impress them in order to make myself valuable and respectable. Therefore, after his game, I went back alone in silence, because I started to feel regret that I have missed the opportunity to prove myself in the basketball court. Therefore, I was trying to ask if there is any opportunity for me to join the team. Then I was informed that the team is full. They filled up the team with some people who do not belong the residential college instead of me who belongs to the residential college.

Undeniably all of us never deny my basketball experience and skill, they all seemed to be very excited when they were informed that I was trying to get back into the team, as I used to lead and guide the team. Anyway it is laughable to see that no one is willing to get out of the team in order to make me return. They don't intend to give up their place while they all know I'm better than most of them. Some don't want to give me the opportunity while they know that they might have to sit on the bench throughout the competition for their helplessness.

Who shall I blame? I blame on myself for not able to secure a place in the team in the very first beginning. They  then invited me to be the coach and I really don't know what they were thinking. Do they think I would be patient to see how poorly they may perform while I know I am supposed to be playing on their behalf? I don't want to get into that temptation where I would probably look down on them for not giving me the opportunity that I deserve. Because of this, I don't even intend to watch their game, because I believe I would be annoyed when I see their poor performance without my guidance.

Hey...look? This is how I think! What a prideful and arrogant guy I am!! I think I'm better than others..none of them is better than me..and they don't deserve to represent the college because they are not fit enough to replace me. I want the cheers and screams from the audiences..I want to prove myself..what a great ego I possess! I was the one who rejected them, now I was the one who complaint them for not letting me to return. Some of them are my dear teammates that I have been mingled along with. Many of them still respect me as a senior. I don't want to just let them fight without guidance. 

Very apparently, I'm just trying to idolize myself. I thank God that he doesn't allow anyone to give up the place just to give me the opportunity to sin against Him. Perhaps, people may think that it is normal to look for acknowledgement and recognition. But I believe it is sinful to feel dissatisfied in Christ. God I'm here to repent, please forgive me and grant me a humble spirit that is contented in you.

Can I Rest Awhile Please?

Life is a journey with ups and downs. It is just like electrocardiogram of a living heartbeat. Throughout the electrocardiogram, there are uncountable ups and downs. Therefore, one can be considered as lifeless, if he never encounters any problems throughout the whole life. Personally, I would consider my life is challenging, as there are many problems and challenges throughout the way I am endeavoring to serve for the one I worship. Definitely, my life would be easier if I decided not take this way of living – this path of faith. I don’t need to wake up on Sunday morning; I can spend my time with friends on Sunday for any reasons. I don’t need to preach to the friends around me, I don’t need to put the friendship into risk for talking about the sensitive issues with them. I can save a lot of time to please myself instead of serving the people in need. I can indulge in anything I enjoy without bothering the limits. I can flirt around with any girls, and just get into an intimate relationship with the girl I like without any principle and requirements. I can be happier than ever. Well, life seems to be easier isn’t it? Because I am free from any religion and superstitious belief. But if I choose not to believe in Him, definitely I would never manage to guarantee myself a greatest life with this one and only living God who is so awesome to me. Freedom out of Christ, is indulgence, but freedom in Christ is satisfaction with peace and joy.

Some may ask me: “Hey, why did you choose to believe in Jesus Christ? Does it help to make your life easy? But you seemed to have more problems after believing in Him!” Honestly speaking, I didn’t get richer after believing in Christ; my academic result doesn’t get extremely excellent; my life is not just smooth like how a river flows. In contrary, because of Him, I have to face many problems. Because of Him, many people came to challenge my faith in him by questioning my so-called old-schooled belief. Of course, they are non-Christians, and I shared with them about the reasons of my faith with humility and explained to them why they have to repent and believe in Christ as well as I do. Definitely, I did it without guns and weapons. They were all peaceful conversations thankfully.

Some disrespect me because they think that Christians are all anti-science. They teased and asked me to stop using the devices and inventions. Perhaps some Christians are extreme to that extent but I strongly believe that I am not one of them. I did explain the thoughts of the extreme Christians to them so that they might be able to understand and forgive them. Some charged me for being unfilial because I refuse to burn incense to worship my ancestors. In their perspective, I am seriously rebellious for not following the traditions. They usually would say: “Aiya! What for you bring faith into your life to mess up everything? Why don’t you just follow the tradition, nothing harmful isn’t it?” To them, I explained patiently how seriously I mind all my actions and thoughts in order not to harm my Lord, and how actually the tradition slowly deviated from the original purpose of commemorating our ancestors. By doing so, we may not really want to commemorate, perhaps we are looking for benefits or we do so just because of fear. Undeniably, one of the ten commandments of the Bible is to honor our parents. I would definitely strive to love them when they are alive.

Of course, having this kind of life, it’s really suffering. People may hurt you, but it is worse when you found the people you love got hurt because of your faith. My family did get hurt because of me, because they found themselves helpless to change my mind. My mum was worried after I chose to believe in Christ, she didn’t manage to see the truthfulness of my God and understand me. Instead, she blamed on herself for not being able to bring me to temper and learn some teachings of Buddha. When we talked about faith, she shared with me about her beliefs for trying to win me, while I am doing my part to preach for trying to win her soul according to my belief. I couldn’t really take this pain just by recalling clearly of how we were gently opposing each other. My dad doesn’t seem to be happy with me, perhaps he found me so naïve to believe Christianity and go against our traditions. It was really painful to see how he gave up on me about this problem.

I recalled a conversation with my eldest brother. I shared with him that I am going to introduce my God to my mum because mum doesn’t get true peace in her life; she has a worrisome life just like typical women. Afterwards, my eldest brother raged and scolded me saying that I am too arrogant to think that my belief is the only truth and denying their belief. He scolded me with anger he had never shown to me before. I still remembered how my tears ran down my cheeks in silence; they were just like two waterfalls. At that time I hated my honesty, but I appreciated my courage to be honest. About my second brother, I believe he would probably find me annoying for thinking him as a sinner who has to repent. My younger brother couldn’t do much to help me, but at least he understands a bit. I never want to hurt them, but I couldn’t help. Since I love them, I think I would need to endure the pain of hurting them for the sake of the gospel.    

Of course, all of them don’t believe in Christ and it is normal to have them challenging me throughout the way, because I claimed myself for having the only truth of living. However, some Christians could somehow trouble my heart. I still remembered a conversation with a sister in Christ, I talked to her about how importance it is to know the Word of God and practice them in our daily life. She didn’t show much appreciation but charged me for being too radical instead of spiritual. I didn’t defend much for my broken heart, but explain to her how the word of God can help us to be more spiritually strong. I wonder if I was doing it aggressively, but I did make sure I was very careful when I was speaking.

I still remembered another discussion with a girl who is from different denomination. She told me that Church shouldn’t celebrate Christmas because that is not the birthday of Christ and we are not asked to celebrate the birthday of Christ. In order to clear her doubt, I chose to explain to her that the importance of utilizing the day of Christmas to spread the gospel and having a gathering on Christmas is not prohibited by the Bible while preaching the word of God is the commandment of God. However, this discussion turned to be a bit aggressive since our bibles have some differences and our teachings are different. I was explaining to her with the scriptures of the Bible while she supported the belief of Assembly without really giving me feedback to my explanation. Sadly, she denied the truthfulness of those Church that claimed themselves as Church instead of Assembly. I didn’t get angry but upset, because she doesn’t know that it is not because of the name of the Church/Assembly that God will save a person, but instead because of the name of Christ, one can be granted salvation by grace through faith. I got offended at the end. If you were to give me another chance to choose whether to explain to her again, I would definitely do that even though I would probably get offended, because it is my duty to explain my faith and belief with humility as an Apologist.

I volunteer myself to help the believers around me to grow in Christ. Perhaps I would tend to destroy their conviction of thinking that their church is the best and the only true church in the world. Many do make the mistakes of thinking that way, because bible never says that the Church is immune of mistakes even though when they explain the word of God. A church can never please God if it is against the Word of God. Regardless the modal and the effectiveness of the organization, church can always get astray from the truth if they do not honor our Lord Jesus Christ alone. There have been many churches growing to a certain extent that they come out a set of traditions to govern the church, but slowly it replaces the highest place of the Scripture. This would be really a big tragedy.

If one accepts blindly the church’s teaching without having themselves to examine the truthfulness of the teachings with the scriptures, one can go astray in faith if those teachings are not from God. Don’t we know that Bible teaches us to be alert of the false prophets? God permits this thing to happen, and the only person we can rely on is our Lord Jesus Christ, the best teacher ever. Through the Bible and non-stop examination with the scriptures, I believe God will reveal His will and word to us! I am taught to search for the word of God for the sake of the Church; because I love the Church God has given to us. But I wouldn’t think that loving Church more than our Lord is the teaching of the Bible.

Some days, I teased myself for being too frustrated for preaching the word of God all these while to try to lead them to obey Christ alone. This is because I seemed to be doing unfruitful things as no one really responds positively to the appeal and not even one appreciates my advice that don’t sound good to them. Why don’t I say something that they like to listen? Why am I doing all these things that do not benefit me at all? Why do I choose to put a lot of things into risk by being so preachy? I don’t want to! I never want to! But I can’t help! It is all because I know how much my savior had done to pay for my sins to show his love and claim back my life, and I just know that I have to do all these not because I can have any awards but because he loves them as well and never wants them to leave astray in their lives and faith! I am the servant of God, and for the sovereignty of the Word of God, I would fight not with the physical weapons, but the Sword of Holy Spirit, the Word of God. But Lord, can I rest awhile as I am so frustrated of all these?  

           

Stay healthy!

Recently, I had some conversations with my friends. Those conversations were interesting and inspiring, through which we exchanged the thought and opinions regarding some topics. We talked about health. A friend of mine who is having obesity is having a high blood pressure problem. This problem troubled him for a long while and he doesn’t seem to do something to better that. I briefly shared with them about the significance of having a healthy body and the importance to have a healthy life style.

In the past, it is very common for a person to travel by feet for about a very long distance, because they did not have any automobiles for transportation purpose. Some just have chariots or horses to make them easy to travel. But most of the time, they have to walk. Besides that, most of them used to work by their strength and stamina. They sow the seeds and reap the farm crop; they go out to the sea to fish. All these demand a good physical capability to ensure the high efficiency of work. There are chances for them to get injured during their work. That is also very common for them to sweat when they are working. That’s why they call their income as “the money of blood and sweat”血汗钱.

Last time I went to visit my grandparents at Rawang. Every time I look at my grandpa, I am so amazed by his physical condition. You can see the shape of the muscle so obvious though the skins are no longer firm. I never failed to admire this old man while I was reminded that he is still working!! He works as a shed builder. This work requires a lot of effort and strength and the working environment is usually tough. When we met, he often boasted with me about how heavy the thing he used to carry during his working time. It can tell that he found pleasure to share with me how strong he is while everyone is trying to convince him to retire. In my personal opinion, I would encourage him to continue working, because that maintains his body in a flexible and good condition. Besides that, if he doesn’t work, his life would seem to be very long and boring to him. I choose to listen to his sharing, though his pronunciation during speaking was not always clear enough due to his incomplete teeth. I always enjoy listening to his sharing because he was trying to gain respect when he knows that he is getting older. He deserves that, because he deserves that!

Many people nowadays would only like to work in comfortable office rooms with desirably cold air condition. They devalue the jobs which require physical effort. For this reason, that kind of works turns to have no status as majority fail to appreciate and pay respect to them sufficiently. Because of this phenomenon, the majority of Malaysia construction workers are not local residents. If this happens that the country keeps the foreign workers from coming in, the majority of the construction work would be definitely paralysed. However, it seems like I have been driven away from the topic I concern. Let me get it back to my point.

What I am trying to say is that the people in the past used to be given chances to exercise during their works. However, things changed, the situation doesn’t encourage the people to exercise right now. Foods are available all the places, you don’t have to travel far to satisfy your appetite. However, you don’t have to walk for a longer distance, because transportation makes things a lot easier. Conclusion, the enjoyment of doing exercise is being deprived. Exercising somehow becomes a torturing activity. People have a wrong mind-set of thinking that only patients are required to exercise more to better the health. Those people exercise mainly to keep fit and a good shape of body. But a good body shape is not necessarily a healthy body. Health should be a main focus for doing exercise.

The worse thing is that they fail to realize that having the ability to exercise is a great blessing from God! Some people wanted to run on a field, but they can only sit on the cold wheelchair and watch the people running around and having fun among themselves. Some people wanted to play ball, but due to their poor inborn health condition (asthma), exercising can kill them if they are not careful enough. In my opinion, those who are able to exercise but fail to enjoy exercising are very pathetic. Why? Because they don’t search for the best enjoyment that they actually deserve, they think that food is the best enjoyment. I tell you what. Food alone is not the best enjoyment. Having the ability to eat your favourite foods is the best precious gift of all! Some may afford to buy all their favourite foods, but if they don’t take care of their health probably, they definitely don’t afford to take the foods into their mouths, as the extra undesired nutrition would probably break them down!

You might say to me:” Hey, do you know how suffering it is to exercise? We got very tired and unhappy at the end of the days. So just let us be what we are as long as we are happy!” I would like to ask you:” Is happiness the main priority in your consideration when you make decisions in your life?” If yes, then why are you studying? Because most of us are studying instead of learning. Learning is enjoyable but somehow studying seems to be very dull. If it is so, then you should pack your bag and go home right now, because it is not happy to study. But why are you here? Isn’t it because you want to have a better life with a better job that provides you a better income, then you would like to study in order to get a certificate for your better life. You endure for the best of your future; you don’t give up right now because you believe great things will come in the future.

Brothers and sister, please do not be totally content with your current situation, you deserve better than what you have right now. Please invest your time on the things that are significant to you, don’t only invest your time on urgent matters. Take your time to ponder about the future that you would love to have and see if the things you are doing right now can bring you there. If it is negative, then please identify your problems and come out some practical solutions to better your life and future. 

Of course, I am not criticizing anyone for being unhealthy, it is all up to you guys to choose your own way of living. But as a friend, I have to say something that you need to know though you might not want to listen. What are the points of saying something you like? It is not my duty to please you, but to help you. Perhaps I would be the only one who holds this so-called healthy principle all by myself, but what is the point if I couldn't even help my friends on all these. I don't think I would consider myself as a good friend of you. However, if you find yourself offended by what I have said, I would like to apologize, because that's not my intention to offend you but to encourage. Even though I might be disliked by many people in the end, but at least I know I have done my part, perhaps the approaches do need some improvement. Be aware that you can never change your past, but you can leave it a good history for your “tomorrow” by having a free-of-regret “today”, as today would be the history for tomorrow.  

Before the throne of God above!

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea. (Heb 4:15-16)
A great High Priest whose Name is Love (Heb 4:14)
Who ever lives and pleads for me. (Heb 7:25)
My name is graven on His hands, (Isa 49:16)
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart. (Rom 8:34)

When Satan tempts me to despair (Luke 22:31-32)
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there (Acts 7:55-56)
Who made an end of all my sin. (Col 2:13-14)
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me. (Rom 3:24-26)

Behold Him there the risen Lamb, (Rev 5:6)
My perfect spotless righteousness, (1 Cor 1:30; 1 Peter 1:18-19)
The great unchangeable I AM, (Heb 13:8; John 8:58)
The King of glory and of grace,
One with Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood, (Acts 20:28)
My life is hid with Christ on high, (Col 3:3)
With Christ my Savior and my God! (Tit 2:13)

There are uncountable songs and hymns written for worshiping our awesome God. However, in my opinion, I wouldn’t find all of them pleasing to God, as most of them somehow are human-centered songs, instead for the glory of God alone. Of course, some songwriters wrote to express the great feeling towards God, but that lyrics of the songs failed to describe the mightiness of God. Because of that, the songs would probably be a self-expression which fails to give glory to God. There are many songs written in a way that is inappropriate according to the teachings of the Bible. Some songwriters do not have a strong and good knowledge of God (I suspect they have a poor theology). Eventually the lyrics they wrote somehow do not biblically make sense. 

I am not here to judge like a worship expert, but as far as the worship is concerned, we shall not comprise to the wrong way of worship which is against the commandment of God. (To worship Him in truths and Spirit) I am writing just to remind all of us about the core of God-pleasing worship. I believe it wouldn't be a great act to focus more on the music instead of the appropriateness of lyrics. Because words tell a lot more than music could probably show. This song is really great I would say. Not because the songwriter had a good theological background, but indeed the lyrics tell us very clearly that how our God set us free from death and the bondage of sin through our Lord Jesus Christ. Hope you guys appreciate.