The main factors

I found that the change in personality and attitude of an individual can be influenced by the other people. We may find that our personality has been molded in a shape which is quite similar with the close friends of us. The previous statement was found in psychology, but I don’t think that everyone isn’t exclusive in this saying.

Recently, having talks with some close friends made me to realize that the worldview of people mindset can be absolutely different. One of my friends has some characteristics in common with me, but somehow our worldview to something can be totally different. That’s why I never like superficial interaction but a heartfelt approach to their thought. 

In his sharing, I can feel that he doesn’t really believe in a true relationship in love. Being in a relationship is like being in a duty for a task and doing things with commitment while all the sweet things done by the couple can be a habit or routine, because they have been used of doing all these things. They are all observation-based information, because I believe that he never got into a relationship before. However, this is a common phenomenon that I would not be able to deny as we can see there are many friends around us who are in a relationship usually entertain their partners and do things for them with commitment.  I mean they do that just because he or she is their partner. The willingness can be there, but the enjoyment seems to be too light.

In this situation, being in a relationship without love to him is merely a habit or even burden when you cannot really commit and maintain it well. He shared about another common phenomenon, in a relationship, it is either the guy forsakes the girl, or the girl leaves the guy eventually. It indicates that the relationship in this world seems to have random development and potential betrayal. I felt really sad for his thought. It is not wrong to have all these views, because it is good to see the flaws of wrong relationship which can alert us from being hurt by other people or hurting other people. However, it is too sad to be hopeless at all, because all he said to me about relationship was like a bad or even worse thing to get involved in.

I was trying to convince him that relationship isn’t really as bad as he thought. I was sharing about some good examples in my church, but he refused to accept. I felt in sorrow silently, not because I failed to convince him, but I could feel the despair he feels towards love. I found it unhealthy for person to be hopeless to love, and to be too positive to love. Both of these attitudes lead them either into despair or regret.

Love itself has nothing wrong, but the people were being misguided and lost all the way in a relationship for their own egoism, with limited knowledge about love, in their own foolish way. For instance, the existence of bomb in the beginning was only for bombard the mountains for obtaining aggregates for construction’s use. But now people use in wars for their offense which could blow the people in a huge area.  In this example, we can see that the bomb itself doesn’t do anything wrong, but the mankind abuses it for their reasons.  

Love isn’t the cause for a victim to get hurt in a relationship, but mankind’s sinful nature is the main factor ever! People should know the true meaning of love, before they could really know how to love. People should be selfless and considerate for other’s feeling, don’t take advantages from others in a relationship. Couples must respect one another in order to protect each other from unnecessary hurt due to disrespect. The reason for being in a relationship should be purposeful and beneficial. Without a purpose, people would be getting lost definitely.

The reasons of a person to get hurt in a relationship are the excessive trust in their partner without setting a certain baseline for self-protection and the haste and desperation for reason leads us to regret of trusting, and causes mentally and spiritually injuries due to misguided trust and weak self-protection on the aspects of mental and spirituality. The second one leads to carelessness and insufficient mutual understanding, it causes you to think that the one is not the right one, and eventually you quit the relationship anyhow. When there is a break, there is a pain.

In order to protect ourselves, practical solutions are hardly carried out without certain attitudes. For maintaining any relationship well, patience, humility, sincerity, activeness, enjoyment, forgiveness are very crucial natures to make things right. Patience is needed for observing an individual’s personality and worldview, meanwhile helpful for evaluation of the future compatibility with you. Forgiveness and humility are both needed to help you to humble yourself and forgive the others if they do any mistake due to carelessness and inconsideration. We should understand that no one is perfect in the world so are we. Sincerity is to create a pure and true trust with clear and good intention stated beforehand, so that people would not suspect your attempt and cause unneeded misunderstanding eventually. Most people find relationship vague and insecure because they don’t make clear in the first place for any better reasons. Activeness and enjoyment are needed to keep stirring your relationship for avoiding the stagnancy from happening. I believe that many agree that the uniformly stirred milo (active) is far tasty than stagnant milo (inactive).    

Not that young

Nervousness and anxiety were all the way accompanying me when I was doing my RCD (reinforced concrete design) examination. I was too insensible to be stuck by hesitation on making judgement when doing my paper. I was too disappointed of myself as I thought that I would be able to handle this paper after a clear and literal studying. I knew I am clear of what I should do, but maybe the problem is that I am clear but not familiar and well-practice with the steps and solutions. Eventually, I was running out of time, and got really nervous. That was the first time ever I was really damn nervous in exam hall, and kept encouraging myself to stop worrying. God bless me..

The saddening mood kept me from going out with my friends for dinner, as I decided to get myself a silent space for handling my negative emotion. It's a very nice weather, but that I didn't feel like jogging alone yesterday. Eventually, I chose to get into a basketball court in a Taman and having some matches with strangers. I am not able to recall when was the last time I touched the ball before that. It must be a very long while.

Spontaneously, I stepped into the court, while the disappointment I felt faded and disappeared unwittingly. What I care about was only to have a nice time and good game. I never failed to enjoy playing in the court unless I am being neglected throughout the games. However, I believe that I hardly get neglected in the court, because I used to be a threatening and capable player. The offenders won't ignore me as I think I am quite a disturbing defender sometimes. The defenders won't neglect me, as I might pay for that if they do so.

As usual, I took the initiative to get to know the people over there, it's just my habit to be friendly and sociable. Perhaps my tongue doesn't get used of the loneliness in any situation. I spoke to a guy whose side face was facing to me, but he gave no response and just being in his position without moving his eyes even as if no one was talking to him. The other guy beside him gave me response on behalf of him. I was wondering whether he knows the way my close friends treat me; he knew that they often ignore me deliberately, isn't it? Because of that, so he did the same thing to me? I doubt that. However, afterwards he left to warm up silently as if nothing wrong was there. After a game with him, I realized that he is a deaf, all the wonders disappeared at once. Anyway, a game with a deaf was a nice and special experience with me. You need to let them see you otherwise they will just make a shoot steadily. LOL!

Very quickly, the game in the court was ended, and I was automatically accepted by the system in the court, new-coming guys have the privilege to play in the next game against the winner team. I played with a fat guy, the guy who responded to me, and guy who didn't as a team. Against the winner, the fat guy was trying to dismay our own team by being pessimistic and saying that "we are hopeless, soon we will be leaving the court for a rest once again.". I just kept silent so that no wrong words could be come out from my mouth.

The winner team missed the shot and we, the Emo team got the possession of the ball with a defensive rebound. I was granted with the ball, excitement just got familiarly high enough to me. My defender was a huge china guy whose looking was typically "china" and kind. A sincere fake of mine got him into my trap and I crossed over him rapidly and followed with a beautiful layup in the face of other two backup defenders who seemed to be too late for helping while I seemed to be fast enough for getting rid of their backup beforehand. It was a really beautiful finish for the score. The guys were cheering and amazed. The fat guy was laughing immediately and uttered:" We got hope!". It was really funny with the terribly drastic change in his faith. However, after the score with the rapid move, I spent a lot of stamina and afterwards I started to pant like an asthma patient without the effort for acting cool.

I never believed that one game could really drain my stamina completely! Previously three games at least are required to let me feel tired. Now one normal match is more than enough to take me down, I don't dare to imagine how worse I would find myself when facing the coming SUKMUM. Anyway, yesterday my team managed to have a straight win for three games, and we were asked to stop playing in a single game based on the unwritten rule in the court. I was exhausted like a dog panting beside the court. Some girls say that basketball male players look very cool, but I personally found that I found myself like an idiot far insufficient to be granted with a "COOL". I think a certain catch-up training is needed during my holidays.          

'The Giant' Above The Giant

It is not an ordinary topic indeed but it's a common world view of majority nowadays. This topic above is a theory that my friend has learned in his life lately. This theory is a common worldview saying that successful people are those who are able to stand above somebody else. Little by little, we have been inculcated with some worldviews unwittingly due to the people and the matters we have met, we have been taught to get wealth by taking advantages from others, we have been taught to be somebody by being remarkable. It is good to improve ourselves but not beneficial to set somebody into trouble or trap so that they won't be able to go ahead before you.

Recently, the coursework result has been finalized and most of the students got really a good mark. However, some friends who did the project all the way by his own effort and research without referring much to others got  lower mark among us, while those who mainly copied the project of other people got higher mark.(This often happens. Nothing to be too surprised.) My friend was unhappy with the unjustness. He realized that those who managed to take advantages from other people and got one stage higher than the people are usually labelled as successful one. He used this result as a reference for this theory and shared with me about his opinion.  It seemed like he is intending to be that kind of person, anyway just wish him all the best.

Not many people would dare to share about their own opinions in a group for most of them don't give a shit on those theories in our reality. But I find this friend is really confident on his own being and ability. He has quite an unbeatable self-confidence which believes that his fate is in the palm of his hand. He always looks for the path to success in his life, that's what I can tell. However, this friend came out to agree this theory which I find it apparently practical but not really beneficial. I am not here to express criticism of his opinion and point of view. Nonetheless, I would like to be asking myself to examine this theory alone.

This theory is simply like the law of the jungle, whereby the weak are prey to the strong. We need to be strong and equipped with various strategies in order to survive in the world of war. This theory gives an impression that if you don't get to the higher stage by treating people as your stepping stone, you might become the stepping stone at the end for other people. Sometimes it's good to be the stepping stone, because we could benefit people. Sometimes it's blessed to be trapped, because you could realize that you are quite threatening positively among the colleagues.  Some say that successful businessmen are smart on taking advantages from other people like earning a great amount of money from the customers. It's quite a wrong example, because they are smart on satisfying our demand.

In my opinion, really capable and remarkable persons don't have to be afraid of being eliminated, because they always have their own ways to survive with their positive attitudes and helpful abilities even though they are trapped by the superficial tricks of other competitors.They would shine like a light and burn like flame, darkness could hardly conceal their brightness and coldness couldn't manage to upset their passion and zeal. The wise people would cherish you if they can see the light from you. If there is no one cherish you, it's either you haven't met the right person or you are not really that blink for people to perceive you!

Regarding the giant above the giant theory, the giant standing above the giant needs to be a tiny so that this statement can be really logical. Just let this tiny to stand on the giant, we don't manage to realize his existence even though he is above the giant, because he is really too small to be noticed! On the other hand, we only can see the real giant who is being stepped on by the tiny, because he is impressively huge which is hard to be ignored!

Last night, I was doing self-examination as usual. Did I treat people like a stepping stone? I realized the answer is yes. But the one is not a human being, he is my almighty God! He is really giant, wise and powerful and bearing me on his shoulder so that I am able to be raised up to more than I can be. I could never be in University now if I haven't met him. I would have miss out a lot of great experiences and matters in my life without his generous and amazing grace. If you would like to call me as a tiny, I would be willing to be called so as for my tininess could magnify his might and my unworthiness could glorify his deity as well!! If I would like to boast, I think I would be pointing the one who lifts me up and boast about his greatness and graciousness!!
        

Weird conversation

Suddenly my mind came out with this conversation.

If one day I could meet the prophet of my life and he may start to talk with me.
Prophet said:" In the future, you will be left behind. Moan for that now~"
I grinned and replied:" Oh ya? Really? That would be nice! At least I am the first one from behind~!"
Then he might continue and say:" Don't be foolishly optimistic, it is not cool to be a fool in this way. People do left you behind."
I would reply:" I would rather be the last one who follows behind, so that I can make sure no one would stab my friends' back from behind."
Then he might response and say:"In future you will stab your friends from behind, as you are too hatred to be left behind."
I would take out a knife with grin and say:"Sorry? Try to repeat please, my dear prophet~"

Sweet nia~~~~~~

I believe that most of the local university students are now in the exam week. Now they should be studying very hard to fight for a better result.

The week before study week, I went to library in order to finish a troublesome course project. There  was a sweet Korean couple sitting in front of me. They were sitting in front of me with their backs facing to me. Nothing happened, I just found the Korean girl is quite typical. She is fair and good-looking, but not as fashionable as other Korean girls. The guy beside her is also a typical Korean guy, with a curly black hair, a skintight and plain t-shirt and slim-cut jean. I feel good to see this kind of typical couple that we used to see in Korean popular drama series. After that, I failed to keep my eyes from observing them.

It is kind of funny thing to do, to observe couple in public. They were too sweet to share the same earphones and listening to the same song. I guess that they must be playing some love songs to make the aura romantic. However, they were just doing their own stuff, facing their own computers. It seemed like they were searching for the flight ticket, perhaps they are planning to go back or to go somewhere else. After awhile, the girl moved her chair closer to the guy and she laid her head naturally and slowly to his shoulder. Wow~ I was too bad and childish to capture down the picture from behind. The photo doesn't matter to me all, but I did capture the romance down at that period. I feel happy to see them enjoying to spend time over there with each other, though I found that really admirable and had a lit bit envy somehow.

 I realized that many friends of mine have coupled up in secret and I was like the last one to know. It is nothing wrong for me to be the last one, as I don't really care about that. But I encountered many couples studying in front of me recently. Now there is a couple studying in front of me. They are my junior in my college and his girl friend. Several days before, I was not sure whether they are a couple. I just found a very intimate interaction among them. The girl came to him and they were looking at the laptop screen together. Their faces were close as if both of their heads were sticking with each other! I was trying to consume the sweetness and pretending nothing special. After the girl went off, I just asked him about their relationship, and I just ensure of their status.

Besides that, my best friend recently was having sweet conversation on the facebook with his girl friend. I had nothing to comment sincerely, but I just found it too sweet till I attempted to block both of them in my facebook. haha~ It is not a bad thing to admit. Hope that they are really sweet from inside-out and outside-in. By the way, who doesn't want to look for sweet and romantic love? No one would like to miss it out. It just needs time to see how important we find ourselves more than the others. I believe that selfish person doesn't know how to love, they just pretend to love and get some benefits in a relationship.

Well~ the young couple was watching movie in front of my seat, laughing together like mad guys. Sweet nia~~~~         

After the first paper

It is not good to treat my blogger as a diary. However, my days are never ordinary, for life is something wonderful and amazing with in-coming unknown surprises. That's why it is always necessary to write down something if any special happened in a day.

Early in the morning, birds were not chirping, rooster was not doing its part as an alarm, but the electrical alarm woke me up from sleeping. I need to revise once again before I leave to APK exam. In the midst of revising the subject, I received a call from my friend. He told me that a friend of mine is trying to promote insurance and boost up his sale. Anyway, I thought my friend was smart enough for not approaching us when he started to take this career. As I believe that most of us do not have the financial ability to afford a package for an insurance, so you may gain nothing if you approach students. However, most of the people know about the importance of the insurance, and bought it before this. I was shocked for receiving this kind of complaint from another friend. Nonetheless, the friend who complaint was actually trying to warn me so that I would be ready before I am found for a talk. Anyway, nothing happened so far. The friend has not yet reached to me, and I have nothing to be afraid actually.

This morning, I have undergone an examination entitled Basic of Entrepreneurship Culture. I have spent about 35 minutes to finish, and I left the hall 20 minutes before the limit time. I found it not a very difficult paper, but quite an interesting one. The performance in the first exam actually encouraged me a lot. I was motivated after I went off the hall early like a boss. haha! It is not good to be prideful for that by the way.

I realized that the successful entrepreneurs must be a very good leader who is able to influence and inspire the people around, a foresighted and good decision-maker who concerns about long-term benefits and future, an effective communicator with good manners who is able to link with people at different stages. Actually a person with this kind of attitude can perform everything well. They are clear-minded and aware of the way straight to their target. This kind of people always becomes the leader in a group regardless the model of the group because they don't choose to follow but they think and response based on their own consciousness and awareness.

I believe that people need to have a certain level of knowledge before they can be clear-minded. You need to be able to understand something before you get clear. of that things With this kind of clear-mindedness, they are able to possess an effective communication skill, because they are able to express clearly the messages they want to present and offer feedback accordingly and properly.

Besides that, creativity is very essential for entrepreneurs because they need to be different by being special. The uniqueness is the key to attract the customers and build up the market. Creative persons have free-thinking normally despite of the boundaries and guidelines. They are alive to fully use the thought of freedom, and brave to make a way from nowhere. Having those characteristics, persons can excel at ease anywhere. However, I believe those characteristics do not come intrinsically. In order to be well-equipped, someone needs to undergo many matters and experience a variety of mindset revolutions and learn to improve positively little by little.

I feel quite sad that this course is a very beneficial subject, but poorly carried out. After studying the book alone, we only know the characteristics for being an successful entrepreneur, but I don't think we are learning something from that. People may think that if you want to become a good entrepreneur and earn money then you need to have the characteristics stated above. They will think that if you don't plan to be an entrepreneur, then those things are nothing to do with them. But one important thing they don't know is that those things would lead them to success easily in anywhere and any field.    

I am bored.

A complete silence isn't lovable to me, but it can be really appreciable and beneficial at the moment I need to study. Ya, right now I am staying at Komplex Siswa, in University of Malaya. This is block E, fourth floor. This is a very nice place to study. Over here, the perfect silence can help you to concentrate, great internet connection can delight you when you are bored and lastly the nice and cold air condition can keep you quite energetic. I have spent several days over here for revising. However, not all the time I have spent for academy, I spent some for my personal entertainment. Hope it won't be considered to be very irrational.

I am bored now, just because I am alone inside the place. Physically I am not alone, but just the people around me are unfamiliar to me. In order not to let myself sleepy, I am listening to some music with my earphone while doing some exercises. I realized that I cannot concentrate on reading if I am listening to the music. However the music helps me to move on steadily when I am doing the troublesome and boring exercise. It is good to understand the way I study.

Wondering how worse it can be, if I spend my time studying at my room. I must be spending most of the time to entertain my bed. Thank God, I only entertain it at night time recently. I believe that it is always a smart act to avoid facing temptation instead of fighting against it. Avoiding temptation is the way to avoid falling down in faith. Erm.. ya.. seems like I am trying to be preachy once again.

Tomorrow, I will be having my first exam. I don't really feel that I will absolutely score well, I just hope that I can do better than I expect, because I just read the slides, I didn't go to read the books. May God bless me.
       

Have mercy on me

I always look forward the coming of the Sunday worship, because I never fail to be refreshed by God when I am worshiping him with my spirit. Some time I was half-asleep, and I know that was really a bad thing to admit. However, just hope God can just forgive my weakness.

Last Sunday, we got a bible class as usual. It is always my favorite session to learn the words of God. This time, we have reached the bible incident about a young rich man.(Mark 10:17-30) The young man ran to Jesus and knelt before him and asked him about the way to inherit eternal life. We interpreted the way he approached Jesus that time. We knew that the Jews don't run or rush in their daily life, because they believe that rushing is not polite and some more they wore long dress. It is not polite to run with a long dress. Besides that, kneeling down is a way to show your serious respect to someone. Based on his behaviors, we could recognize the longing heart of the young man. At the same time, we knew that he is smart to pick the right person to ask about eternal life, because he knew that Jesus is wise and authoritative.

However, Jesus replied him telling him to fulfill the commandments: "Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not detraud, Honor your father and mother.". The young man replied and told him that all these he had kept from his  youth. Jesus loved him and said to him, You lack one thing; go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven ; and come, follow me."

Nonetheless, this reply disheartened the young man seriously, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possession. In the lesson, we were informed that God demands us not to reserve anything for our own will. We  are required to all-out in order to wholeheartedly follow him. Most of us failed to do that because we didn't really put God into the first priority. Actually the greatest commandment is to love our God with whole heart, whole mind and full effort. Nothing can be allowed to put before him in the priority.

Meanwhile I was asked to have self-examination. I asked myself about the things that I am not willing to let go. In the first place, I didn't think I have things I refuse to let go for God. However, now I realized the thing I am unwilling to let go eventually. Lord, can you just set me free from temptation or test? However, if this is your will, just let it be and teach me patiently. I wonder if you would get me back to you if I choose to leave you for other reasons. I hope I won't do that, but I don't trust myself now. Have mercy on me, God.