Nervousness and anxiety were all the way accompanying me when I was doing my RCD (reinforced concrete design) examination. I was too insensible to be stuck by hesitation on making judgement when doing my paper. I was too disappointed of myself as I thought that I would be able to handle this paper after a clear and literal studying. I knew I am clear of what I should do, but maybe the problem is that I am clear but not familiar and well-practice with the steps and solutions. Eventually, I was running out of time, and got really nervous. That was the first time ever I was really damn nervous in exam hall, and kept encouraging myself to stop worrying. God bless me..
The saddening mood kept me from going out with my friends for dinner, as I decided to get myself a silent space for handling my negative emotion. It's a very nice weather, but that I didn't feel like jogging alone yesterday. Eventually, I chose to get into a basketball court in a Taman and having some matches with strangers. I am not able to recall when was the last time I touched the ball before that. It must be a very long while.
Spontaneously, I stepped into the court, while the disappointment I felt faded and disappeared unwittingly. What I care about was only to have a nice time and good game. I never failed to enjoy playing in the court unless I am being neglected throughout the games. However, I believe that I hardly get neglected in the court, because I used to be a threatening and capable player. The offenders won't ignore me as I think I am quite a disturbing defender sometimes. The defenders won't neglect me, as I might pay for that if they do so.
As usual, I took the initiative to get to know the people over there, it's just my habit to be friendly and sociable. Perhaps my tongue doesn't get used of the loneliness in any situation. I spoke to a guy whose side face was facing to me, but he gave no response and just being in his position without moving his eyes even as if no one was talking to him. The other guy beside him gave me response on behalf of him. I was wondering whether he knows the way my close friends treat me; he knew that they often ignore me deliberately, isn't it? Because of that, so he did the same thing to me? I doubt that. However, afterwards he left to warm up silently as if nothing wrong was there. After a game with him, I realized that he is a deaf, all the wonders disappeared at once. Anyway, a game with a deaf was a nice and special experience with me. You need to let them see you otherwise they will just make a shoot steadily. LOL!
Very quickly, the game in the court was ended, and I was automatically accepted by the system in the court, new-coming guys have the privilege to play in the next game against the winner team. I played with a fat guy, the guy who responded to me, and guy who didn't as a team. Against the winner, the fat guy was trying to dismay our own team by being pessimistic and saying that "we are hopeless, soon we will be leaving the court for a rest once again.". I just kept silent so that no wrong words could be come out from my mouth.
The winner team missed the shot and we, the Emo team got the possession of the ball with a defensive rebound. I was granted with the ball, excitement just got familiarly high enough to me. My defender was a huge china guy whose looking was typically "china" and kind. A sincere fake of mine got him into my trap and I crossed over him rapidly and followed with a beautiful layup in the face of other two backup defenders who seemed to be too late for helping while I seemed to be fast enough for getting rid of their backup beforehand. It was a really beautiful finish for the score. The guys were cheering and amazed. The fat guy was laughing immediately and uttered:" We got hope!". It was really funny with the terribly drastic change in his faith. However, after the score with the rapid move, I spent a lot of stamina and afterwards I started to pant like an asthma patient without the effort for acting cool.
I never believed that one game could really drain my stamina completely! Previously three games at least are required to let me feel tired. Now one normal match is more than enough to take me down, I don't dare to imagine how worse I would find myself when facing the coming SUKMUM. Anyway, yesterday my team managed to have a straight win for three games, and we were asked to stop playing in a single game based on the unwritten rule in the court. I was exhausted like a dog panting beside the court. Some girls say that basketball male players look very cool, but I personally found that I found myself like an idiot far insufficient to be granted with a "COOL". I think a certain catch-up training is needed during my holidays.
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