You Alone

What made me qualified for counseling the friends around me?
What made me thinking that I am so supreme among the others?
Who am I that seem to have the right to speak for something constructive?
How much value have I gained for living for my own alleged pride and lamentable self-centeredness? 
Vanity of Vanity, please tell me where is the real purpose of living?

Who should I proclaim myself as when I know I am nothing but a terrible sinner?
Who should I blame when I am the only who is accountable of my past?
Who should I express when I am afraid of telling the world what exactly I am?
Where should I hide from the self-sarcasm that has been haunting me for long?
Where should I hide when I know the most righteous judgment may come to me very soon?
What can make me stand if I am to face the judgment of the holy and almighty God?
Holy, holy, holy! God please save me though I know I am not worthy of any of your grace and mercy!

How can I make the messy things right which was all due to my naïve and ignorance?
How long can I fight against the guilt of mine that is about to conquer my heart?
How can I earn the forgiveness when I know I do not deserve?
How can I leave the world silently without anyone’s notice?
Helplessness is that I can never do anything good with my own fallen flesh!

What would happen if Sun suddenly disappears for a few second in the world?
What would happen when the Earth shakes and eventually I fall into an abyss?
What would happen when the air is drawn away from me somehow for about half a minute?
What would happen when the floor comes next day while I am not good at swimming?
What would happen when Jesus returns at the time where I am still a helpless wretch?
All I would face is death and death is the only thing I would face.

But what would happen if I am gone right now?
Some may grieve and moan, but somehow and definitely the Earth would still keep its rotation and Sun would rise the next day as usual. Flowers would bloom when it is the right season; the river flows as if it never stops. How pitiful I am, as if I come not to contribute but to waste the resources on Earth and utterly receive the grace of God unconditionally! When I come to realize how weak and pitiful I am, my Lord, I couldn’t deny the amazing greatness of you but to worship you with the heart of fear. May you receive all the praises that you surely deserve!