From the gulf

I had been lost in my pride, my self-centeredness, my desire and my sense of inferior for a period. Those things upset me greatly till I found myself getting more smothered and restless. It is really abysmal to stop worshipping my God every Sunday for personally excuses which are unacceptable in the Bible. It was not a punishment at all because God doesn’t need to punish me just because I don’t worship while there is still an immense number of devout believers willing to worship him with enjoyment. I gradually believe that God doesn’t need us for any reasons, but we human beings are the one who needs God desperately. It is true, because I found myself totally lost just because my connection to God got loosed little by little unwittingly and my own self started to be more consequential and dominating to me. Hence, this little sheep was brought into a labyrinth.

Thank God that I started to restore my night-time sleepiness slowly. My mind has been made up properly and I rarely keep thinking of anything at midnight. I cared for the matters I concerned in an inappropriate way that troubled me myself. Instead of being clear-minded and purposeful, I turned to be an ugly worry freak. Anyway, this wasn’t the first time I lost myself but another more abyss in my life. Thank God gratefully for the helping hand that rescued me from the hopeless gulf once again.

Clearing my doubts and getting out of the maze, once again it’s a new me. Wondering how tough my life would be in the future, I am also wondering how high my almighty God would raise me up every time I fall down embarrassedly. Staging in this familiar situation, it recalled me about a wonderful parable Jesus gave in the Bible, Chapter 15 of Luke. Jesus is a shepherd who would leave the nineth-nine sheep in the open country and endeavor to search for the lost sheep alone. Once he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing and asking his friends and neighbor to rejoice with him for he has found his sheep that was lost.

It is really a rare case ever happened in the world nowadays. Bible says there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. What is surprising and special is the emotional expression Jesus found the lost sheep. He lays the sheep on his shoulders and rejoices. It is totally making no sense actually as it must be a troublesome process to search for the lost one. After a troublesome searching, he doesn’t get mad to the sheep but he lays the sheep on his shoulders. Shoulders to mankind are considered as pride and glory. He doesn’t ask the sheep to go back with him by walking, but he lays the sheep on his shoulders despite of his personal pride. He doesn’t get pissed off for the troublesome, but he rejoices for the found.

I feel really grateful of having a merciful and patient God that is always ready to help and willing to search for us. Instead of repenting, he always takes the initiative to appear in our mind and when we are lost, he would take us after he finds us. God doesn’t punish us, but the naughtiness for getting away from my God leads us to dangers and insecurity. It is an undeniable fact that God loves us so much, as he never wants us to harbor the feeling of fear and finds us whenever we lose our way home.