My ambition?

Recently, the nights seemed to be too silent but ineffective to let me sleep in peace. As my mind used to be too messy these few days, and I didn't manage to make it up. I wonder if I am really that thoughtful or what, I never got my mind rest properly. I feel frustrated for being such a thoughtful person because it didn't comfort me but trouble me mentally. I think that I am not worrying, perhaps I might be wondering and doubting due to a lot of possibilities and uncertainties.

I was born to be an ordinary boy without much ambition throughout my youth. The thing I wanted the most was to get girls' attention and their fancy when I was naive and young. I believe that it's kind of act to get acknowledgement from opposite sex which is normal and common among youth. I had nothing I want to get but attention, that's why I could do anything just to get the attention I longed for badly. I found myself very naive and patient to learn something or some skills and try to be remarkable and blinky. Occasionally, I am given some talents and have been given chances to learn some skills, I was quite a small star in my school. I trained to be a better basketball player so that I could be one of the persons that girls would admire due to their sportsmanship and coolness. I believe that the attempt to be a cool basketball player was not that important and main motive to make me playing basketball, but the enjoyment and pride I found when playing basketball never failed to attract me.

Occasionally, I was given the chance to learn how to dance in a competition and I realized that I can really dance with enjoyment. The attempt to be a cool dancer was not the main motive for me to learn dancing, but definitely I desired to be under the spotlight and showing off in front of the people. Eventually, I learned how to dance with free style as long as beats and musics are provided. Dancers look really cool and charming when they are on the stage, girls like the most. Occasionally, I was given chance to learn guitar when I was young because my relative needed some people to fill up a group. That's why guitar is not something strange to me after all. I was not a good guitarist, but at least that time not much people could manage to perform singing and playing guitar at the same time. Music man always becomes the fancy of the girls, and that's who I am trying to be. I thank God for all the talents and skills that I am having now. However, he taught me a lesson that a person who loves you would love you just because you are who you are, after I failed to get someone acknowledgement.

I did things that I was motivated to do for some reasons. I have improved myself on many aspects just for somebody else, without bothering about my future and ambition. I realized that those things I have learnt are not the things that I love to do the most as what I see is that I didn't involve myself in show business while I should be qualified and potential to be trained. However, it doesn't mean that I regret to have those skills, because I do enjoy having fun with those skills. I never had things I wanted to realize the most, while I have heard that many friends are striving for their own ambitions and aims lately. I realized that I am striving also, I was striving to love the people around me, to love my life before I know God. I have the instinct to love, as I believe that my mind was filled with love stuff and my youth was filled with childish relationship problems. But that kind of love didn't give me a sense of security. I felt lost for being clueless and disappointed for being given broken promises.

In the process of knowing God, I have come to learn about the purpose of our life. It is a subjective question  which can come out with uncountable and various answers from different people. However, Christians believe that there is a standard answer for that question which is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. This isn't an aim, because aim is reachable and ends once it is achieved. The purpose of life isn't something like aim which is reachable, but it's a way to live. There are many ways to do things, but different ways bring different impacts. I thank God that the purpose of life isn't something reachable and limited. This is because if we could be able to reach it, purpose of life which was achieved is no longer valid and necessary to our life, hence life without purpose would be meaningless totally. We have ways to lead to many places, but bible says this is the way that our life ought to be, the way that we ought to live, it isn't something like a choice or advice, because it is a truth of life. It's the same like human needs the oxygen in the air in order to survive, it is neither a choice nor an advice to breath, but it is a must to breath if you want to survive. Man without oxygen is dead, life without true purpose is dead as well.

Besides that, it is written in the bible saying that :" You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. You shall love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 12:30,31) This was the greatest commandment that Jesus Christ claimed in the New Testament when one of the scribes asked him about the greatest commandment in the commandments. This was written in (Deuteronomy 6: 5-7) [Old Testament]. In short, Jesus asked us to love him - God with all we are, and the people around us as ourselves. I found peace and joy when I love, but still I know I would not be able to love truly if God didn't love me beforehand. Back to the topic, what is my ambition? haha!! I thank God I have none, because I knew my ambition should not be there to replace the highest place of my God in my life.