Patiently Wait

I had some restless and sleepless nights recently. I knew the reasons of being in this stage, but it seems like I don’t manage to keep my mind empty when I am supposed to rest properly every night. My life is good so far, but my mind somehow is messed up by many things. I wonder what I could do for bettering it. Haiz.

In my life, I have been taught about how God reacts to our prayer, and how normally mankind reacts to God’s response. I realized that God’s wisdom is far more than we could reach, that’s why man with incomplete wisdom always fails to understand the purpose for something that God allows to happen in a person’s life. I am helpless for being one of the foolish men who is clueless of why things have often happened against my will. I had been in depression for all the dissatisfaction, but thank God it didn’t take too long time for me to be depressed because its feeling was really torturing and unpleasant. Thank God that I got an inspiring message from a scripture after a while.   

Last week, I had a jungle trekking with my parents and our pet, Ricy. The jungle is actually a durian farm.  It is quite dangerous to be within the farm, because you would never know when the durian would get mature enough and fall down to astonish you. However, we were safe throughout the trekking. Trekking in jungle is not something fresh to me, because I went out for trekking with different groups for several times. One of the great things for trekking is the fresh air in the jungle. You feel healthy and good when you inhale the air of good condition. Besides that, the green in the jungle somehow nourishes your eyes.

I am always talkative and informative when I am feeling happy and good. The uphill trekking made my legs feeling a kind of stress, and I recalled me the moment when I was climbing the mount Kota Kinabalu. Hence, I kept talking and sharing with my parents about how suffering I was during the climbing. It was very enjoyable for having review for that interesting experience.  However, it reminded me about mountain that Jesus mentioned to his disciples.

I have searched the detail explanation of moving mountain mentioned in the scripture. In Matthew 21:21 and 22, Jesus answered to his disciples, “Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen And whatever you ask in prater, you will receive, if you have faith.”

It is totally impossible for moving a mountain and even ridiculous to be thinking of throwing a mountain into sea! This is what popped out within my mind and made me attracted by the words. I do believe that God is absolutely capable of doing anything because he is a God of almightiness! However, I really apologized for doubting whether God would remove the mountain for me if I pray as it troubles me so much to the extent that I don’t manage to cope with the helplessness.  But God is not a tool for making our life easier. Instead he is a God who promised us an eternal life but not an easy life at all, as he said that if you will to follow me, follow me with a cross. Indeed, bearing a cross is not really easy.

I believe that I am clueless of praying for my needs, because I don’t really know what I need, I just know what I want. But I devoutly believe that God is the only one who knows me inside-out, he would give me what I need for his own planning of my life. For instance, a child longs for a candy badly, but he is fed with tasteless fish by his parents regardless his cries and complains. He doesn't know fish is really good for providing the essential nutrition to him; he just wanted the sweetness of the candy that would upset his teeth gradually.

I try my best to convince myself that perhaps God wants us to get on the mountain instead of removing it with magic, because he wants me to get on the top of the mountain. I still remember the view from the top of the mount KK. The view was damn nice, as I was above the clouds, while the villages below the mountain looked really small and the men were physically negligible. That kind of view was really priceless especially after all the struggles and pain that we had paid for reaching the peak! It is really suffering for the situation that I am staging, but I do think that great things never come to us at ease. I would keep climbing with the longing heart of getting to the peak, one day I might be blessed to enjoy the view after a patient struggling!