Not that easy though

I found that the change in personality and attitude of an individual can be influenced by the other people. We may find that our personality has been molded in a shape which is quite similar with the close friends of us. The previous statement was found in psychology, but I don’t think that everyone isn’t exclusive in this saying.

Recently, having talks with some close friends made me to realize that the worldview of people mindset can be absolutely different. One of my friends has some characteristics in common with me, but somehow our worldview on a particular matter could be totally different. That’s why I never like superficial interaction but a heartfelt approach to their thought.

In his sharing, I can feel that he doesn’t really believe there is such thing like a true relationship in love. Being in a relationship is like being in a duty for a task and doing things with commitment while all the sweet things done by the couple can be a habit or routine, because they have been used of doing all these things. They are all observation-based information, because I believe that he never got into a relationship before. However, this is a common phenomenon that I would not be able to deny as we can see there are many friends around us who are in a relationship usually entertain their partners and do things for them with commitment.  I mean they do that just because he or she is their partner. The willingness can be there, but the enjoyment seems to be too light.

In this situation, being in a relationship without love to him is merely a habit or even burden when you cannot really commit and maintain it well. He shared about another common phenomenon, in a relationship, it is either the guy forsakes the girl, or the girl leaves the guy eventually. It indicates that the relationship in this world seems to have random development and potential betrayal. I felt really sad for his thought. It is not wrong to have all these views, because it is good to see the flaws of wrong relationship which can alert us from being hurt by other people or hurting other people. However, it is too sad to be hopeless at all, because all he said to me about relationship was like a bad or even worse thing to get involved in.

I was trying to convince him that relationship is not really as bad as he thought. I was sharing about some good testimonies I found my church, but he refused to accept. I felt in sorrow silently, not because I failed to convince him, but I could feel the despair he feels towards love. I found it unhealthy for person to be hopeless to love, and to be too positive to love. Both of these attitudes lead them either into despair or regret.

Love itself has nothing wrong, but the people were being misguided and lost all along the way in a relationship for their own egoism, with limited knowledge and understanding about love, in their own foolish way. For instance, the existence of bomb in the beginning was only for bombard the mountains for obtaining aggregates for construction’s use. But now people use in wars for their offense which could blow the people in a huge area.  In this example, we can see that the bomb itself does not do anything wrong, but the mankind abuses it for their reasons. 

Love is not the cause for a victim to get hurt in a relationship, but mankind’s sinful nature is the main factor ever! People should know the true meaning of love, before they could really know how to love. People should be selfless and considerate for other’s feeling, don’t take advantages from others in a relationship. Couples must respect one another in order to protect each other from unnecessary hurt due to disrespect. The reason for being in a relationship should be purposeful and beneficial. Without a purpose, people would be getting lost definitely.

The reasons of a person to get hurt in a relationship are the excessive trust in their partner without setting a certain baseline for self-protection and the haste and desperation for love that lead us to regret of trusting, and cause mentally and spiritually injuries due to excessive trust and poor self-protection on the aspects of mental and spirituality. The second one leads to carelessness and insufficient mutual understanding, it causes you to think that the one is not the right one, and eventually you quit the relationship anyhow. When there is a break, there must be followed by pain.

In order to protect ourselves, practical solutions are hardly carried out without certain attitudes. Before getting into a relationship, patience, humility, sincerity, activeness, enjoyment, forgiveness are very crucial natures to make things right. Patience is needed for observing an individual’s personality and worldview, meanwhile helpful for evaluation of the future compatibility with you. Forgiveness and humility are both needed to help you to humble yourself and forgive the others if they do any mistake due to carelessness and inconsideration. We should understand that no one is perfect in the world so are we. Sincerity is to create a pure and true trust with clear and good intention stated beforehand, so that people would not suspect your attempt and cause unneeded misunderstanding eventually. Most people find relationship vague and insecure because they don’t make clear in the first place for any better reasons. Activeness and enjoyment are needed to keep stirring your relationship for avoiding the stagnancy from happening. I believe that many agree that the uniformly stirred milo (active) is far tasty than stagnant milo (inactive).